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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2007.10.14  03.11 it finally hit me that this is really going to happen...and it isn't going to be me. h: so... ****** really is getting married huh? k: yeah. h: .... h: .... h: yeah. Mood: numb Music: gin blossoms - hey jealousy

	2007.08.05  00.26 rant wow...i was rifling through some of my old emails and i saw this one from 2003 that i wrote to michelle and posted on the forums...i can't believe that it STILL applies 4 years down the track. ---------------------- okay. here is my little rant. if you knew me well enough, if a topic is raised which i am very passionate about, i tend to rant on and write lengthy diatribes pertaining to the issue at hand. okay. now to the evil that is the music industry in general. let me sum it up. in a nutshell. abstract: record companies will go to any lengths to sell records, no matter how crap the actual musical content is. content: i have a philosophical objection to artists such as britney, christina aguilera, shakira, backdoor boys, n*suck and J(gay)-lo. [quote] Both Britney and Xtina have lasted a lot longer than many pop acts, because of the way they change, not just vocal talent. [/quote] i wouldn't say that they've lasted long at all. look at acts such as michael jackson, elton john, billy joel, pearl jam, tool, radiohead, r.e.m., u2, elvis presley. look at that list and tell me britney and christina will have career longievity that will be even HALF that of that previous list. these guys have had 10,15,20, even 30-year careers. sure you could rebut by saying that these people have just begun their careers...sorry bub, i believe their careers have already peaked. how relevant is ricky martin now? how relevant are the backstreet boys now? how relevant are boyz ii men? how relevant will christina be in 5 years time? by then, there will be a new, gorgeous, sexy starlet with average to very good vocal skills who sells records based on how well they can gyrate their finely toned pelvis into the camera. but the so called "anti-britney" backlash has already begun. michelle branch, avril, vanessa carlton and nelly furtardo are leading the way. they have their own set of evils, which i prefer not to discuss at this present moment, but at least it's not only about sex and over-produced records anymore. next point. what matters most. (the music). unfortunately, nowadays, the music itself doesn't matter. it just needs to be (vaguely) sing-able with thumping bass and body-moving rhythm, while a sultry artist with some semblance of talent shows off their new breat implants in the latest multi-million dollar video clip (for crying out loud, it's only for FOUR minutes at the most!!!) shallow shallow stuff. it needs to sell. that's the only criteria that is used to write songs. no longer is it about writing good music, aesthetically pleasing and technically challenging music. it no longer challenges the listener to think, to appreciate, to savour. no longer is it a true expression of the artist themselves. no longer do we critically think about music. i used to sit at my father's record player and listen to guys like the beatles, the bee-gees, elvis presley and simon and garfunkel. i was blown away, not by the technical abilities of these guys, but how amazing at the quality of the songwriting. they were not buried under hundreds of layers of instruments. their voices were not digitally enhanced because they can't sing to save themselves (re: boob job bub britney). these guys were REAL. [quote] By dressing how THEY want, singing THEIR OWN style, and not letting themselves be sugarcoated or told what to do by a record label. Xtina is now singing songs written mostly by her, and has a CD exec produced by herself. Her first few albums she didn't have that control. And if the blatant sexuality expressed in this current album is the way she really is, then good for her that she is finally expressing her true self and the way she feels instead of being censored by other people. [/quote] i refuse to believe that these songs were written solely by her. co-written would be more believable. despite the criticism that pop music is shallow, even pop music has its complexities in its instrumentation and i don't believe that christina aguilera, or most other solo artists have the ability to fully orchestrate and score a whole pop song. listen to the keyboard runs sometime. some of them are very tricky. some of the harmonies are also fairly complex. i doubt they wrote it themselves, unless they're someone like alicia keys. another thing is that everyone's stealing everyone else's sound. listen to a rap record. the number of samples that they used would fill up a whole page. macy gray's new song sounds like a bad jackson 5 rip-off. yuk! being a drummer, i've noticed that all the beats are bloody the same! for crying out loud, use REAL musicians and get some original beats happening rather than using a computer. which brings me to my next point. the pervasive use of electronics in pop music certainly has its place. to COMPLEMENT real live musicians. HOWEVER, the current common use of these computers is to REPLACE musicians, which i believe is wrong. it's to save money and maximise profitability. there is nothing more fulfilling than playing in a band where all the musicians are locked into the same groove and it just feels beautiful. it's all about the FEEL. electronic beeps and blurps do NOT have FEEL. and that is when the music itself sounds and feels very artificial. your argument would be that people like to dance to a good beat. a computer can do a decent job. but seriously, a really good drummer can do an even better job because deep inside, he/she has that tribal, primitive, percussive rhythm inside him/her that only he/she can impart onto the audience. i have listened to a lot of jazz music and even the jazz beat isn't the typical techno DOOF DOOF beat, it makes ME tap my feet along with the music because it has a beautiful FEEL to it. creativity with rhythms can also extend to odd meters. being able to master odd times is a peak of your musical skills. odd times...no one can listen to odd times cos it's too different, right? wrong. in the hands of a skilled musician, playing a steady odd time, you won't notice that it isn't in 4/4 time. listen to dave brubeck's "take 5" sometime. it's in 5/4 but it feels so natural. listen to the goo goo dolls' "iris". it goes from 12/8 to 4/4 to 12/8 again and you won't notice it. yet that's a song you can still tap your foot to. it's not about the perfection and polish. we're humans, for crying out loud. we aren't perfect. that's why "perfect" and "polished" music sounds artificial and a little unreal. that rawness is the spark that is missing in a lot of today's music as well. there is even a bit of manufactured "rawness" in recent songs as well...but it's still not REAL!! why does christina have a live band? why do a lot of rnb groups have a live band? because there's the energy that only a live band can bring to the audience. only when they're touring, yes. if only for the visuals, though. however, why can't they use those same musicians in the studio? it would certainly sound better, in my opinion... i may sound like a pretentious arts student, but i regard myself as a "music connoisseur" and to be honest, they seem to be rather thin on the ground nowadays, especially those who critique modern music. sorry, i don't mean to bash, but there is more to music than the pop (even rnb) world where fervent materialism and sexuality runs rampant. and that's something i'm afraid not many people realise. i don't mean to boast, but i am a gigging drummer and trained classical percussionist with a 10-year piano and violin background. i've played in orchestras and other musical ensembles and i will be doing further musical studies overseas (hopefully in canada). the reason why i mention that is that i just want to let you know that as a result of my training, i am a bit more aware of OTHER types of music out there joe public doesn't really know about. and so at least i don't sound like a ranting ignoramus. my background also has helped me discover, for myself, what constitutes a "good" piece of music (yes it's subjective, but there are basic tenets that MUST be met) i'm not saying that music should sound like the 60s and 70s. i'm not advocating to a return of flimsy low-quality and lo-fi equipment used back in that era. we've already been there done it. otherwise we would end up repeating ourselves. why can't we progress even further in musical artistry? because it won't sell. coming from an avid follower of pop culture :D p.s. there's a lot more points i want to write, but for the sake of so-called brevity (damn it's a long piece), i'll save them for next time. Mood: furious Music: the fray - all at once

	2007.03.02  02.17 ARGHHHHH...my head hurts so much... it hurts it's so frustrating trying to reach out to you and i get no answer and i'm too shy to approach you i know both our hearts are bruised and we're both hurting but please give me a chance we can both make a new start. forget our hurts, our pasts, and start again at the beginning things can only get better from here i can save you as you can save me why won't you let me in damnit? you're the first girl i have met whom i've seriously had no doubts over. over who you are, what you are but i'm just so scared that i won't measure up to him everything i do will be compared to how he did it or everything i don't do will be compared to what he did do i'm someone else; i hope you understand that you're right; i don't know you. but please give me the chance to learn more about you i hope to see you eye-to-eye this sunday please give me a chance. why does everyone have issues with people in their past they can't seem to let go of? edit: i came too late. by then you were gone. next week, i hope. my last chance before i leave. Mood: melancholy Music: michelle branch - all you wanted

	2007.02.27  22.46 i was the nowhere man if anyone has seen cirque du soleil's beatles tribute "love" in vegas...then, this character tugged at my heart. he was me. nobody wanted the flowers... Mood: lonely Music: alan silvestri - suite from forrest gump

	2007.02.05  01.20 i will remember when i close my eyes... ...i see a small man in a suit sitting on a train, shirt untucked, tie loosened, holding a bouquet of roses, bought with every last cent he had in the world. he sits in his seat, looking at the ground, roses drooping, with the scenery rushing by in the window behind him and the lights above flickering. crestfallen, devastated, he cuts a solitary figure. it was a long train ride home. Mood: crushed Music: gin blossoms - hey jealousy

	2006.10.19  00.39 i've spent my whole life trying to save other people... ...when i can't even save myself. Mood: alone Music: stephen speaks - out of my league

	2006.09.24  02.43 you left me at a loss for words it's her hair and her eyes today that just simply take me away and the feeling that i'm falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way all the times i have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair and she purses her lips bats her eyes and she plays with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say cos i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands cos she's all that i see and she's all that i need and i'm out of my league once again it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me as the world spins around her she laughs rolls her eyes and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise cos i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands cos it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea but i'd rather be here than on land yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need and i'm out of my league once again it's her hair and her eyes today that just simply take me away and the feeling that i'm falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way all the times i have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair as she purses her lips bats her eyes and she plays with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say cos i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands cos it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea but i'd rather be here than on land yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need and i'm out of my league once again. Music: stephen speaks - out of my league

	2006.08.12  00.50 i bruise you you bruise me we both bruise so easily too easily to let it show i love you and that's all i know

	2006.08.11  23.18 Howdy all, Yes yes, I know I've been so slack in updating everyone with what I've been up to lately. I apologise for that, but seriously I have been so busy it's amazing that I've managed to cram everything in whilst retaining my sanity. Well, I'll be taking a break in proceedings to update everyone on what I've been up to for the past three (!!!!) months. Which is a lot actually, so I really won't go too much in depth, otherwise I'll never get this email finished. So right now, I am at my friend's apartment complex, just relaxing next to the pool. It's pretty hot, but for the first time in a long time, I feel relaxed. And I have time to write to you all. OKAY. Let me get started with an extremely significant milestone in my life. MY FIRST BASEBALL GAME! YAY. So yesh, I went down to San Diego one lovely morning for two reasons: to play a gig at UCSD (University of California San Diego) for a friend of mine and to watch baseball. UCSD had some sort of multicultural international event going on and my friend asked me to play with his band for the event. The gig actually went off fine, but I was extremely squeezed for time because I had to meet my friend Stacey early so we can get parking. It didn't help that I was a bit stressed and then I got lost along the way. But thankfully, we got some parking about a mile from the stadium and walked down the pleasant streets of San Diego. So yes, I watched the Padres spank the Cubbies. Well, not really spanked, but Stacey, being the most obsessed (and only) Cubs fan I know, it was a kind of a downer. Oh well. So after that, it was Vegas or bust! For Memorial Day weekend, a couple of guys from church and Mark, my adopted cousin haha, went to Vegas. Whoa, now that was an experience. And not one I really want to repeat any time soon. For starters you have to a) have a lot of money and b) have a lot of money. Which is used for gambling (obviously), accommodation, the spectacular shows and the huuuuuuuuuuge all-you-can-eat buffets. And my foot hurt from all the walking around the hotel/casinos. And man, you can almost smell the glitz and glamour of all the casinos, just like in the movies. But then you realise that it's all superficial and you really end up smelling like second-hand smoke. But let me tell you this. The all-you-can-eat buffets were borderline spectacular. For $30, you can eat as much seafood as you wish. Prawns, crabs and other types of seafood. You can literally eat $80 worth of seafood in one sitting for the price of a large steak. In Vegas, you eat like a king. Or queen. And in the casinos. I also lost the humongous amount of $1.50. Almost all my life savings. Photos attached. After that...umm...nothing for a few weeks haha. Just had to get by with school and stuff. Soooo, here came breaktime. I only had one week, so I had to make the most of every day. So I went up to Union City and Fremont for a weekend or so and came back. I got to visit my uncles and aunts for the first time in many years. It was good to see them, I think they were happy to see me. When I got back, I took one of my friends from school to Disneyland. Well, she had been in LA (from Switzerland) for 9 months and had NEVER been to Disneyland as unfortunately she couldn't afford it. I just felt soooo sad at her situation so I offered to pay for her ticket. So fortunately she said yes, and we had the times of our lives. What can I say? I love Disneyland. Even though I'd been there before, it's still an experience to actually be there. Aaaahhhh...the magic of the world of Disney. While I was watching the parade it felt like I was in some sort of alternate reality - the Disney universe. Looks like they've suckered me in. Topping that off were the most amazing fireworks I have ever seen. Beats anything that Melbourne or Sydney New Years Day can come up with. So since then it became quiet once again, for a few weeks as I started my second quarter of school. Just a couple of weeks ago I had another "holiday" which I thiiink I am still recovering from. Firstly, since it is summer holidays for everyone, they have what's known as a Vacation Bible School for high-school students. A few of us from our youth group were asked to form a band and lead the morning P&W, so I ended up playing guitar every morning for a week. That weekend, we held the EPIC conference. It's basically like the camps we have back in Australia, except this time it's the first time for these guys, so there were a few difficulties for all of us. I was part of the organising committee and the band and also did a video for one of the sessions, so I really did not get any sleep whatsoever during that weekend. However, all things considered, the inexperience of the organising team, it ran pretty smoothly and we got a lot of great feedback from the kids. However, we were in the middle of a massive heatwave, where every day was almost 40 degrees. Actually in Riverside (where the camp was held), it was 47 degrees, so we mostly stayed inside. THEN, the day after I went to San Francisco. Again. Aside from dinner with a couple of friends, I basically stayed at my uncle's the whole time, recuperating. Which is not bad at all. Finally, a group of us visited the OC Fair - it's pretty much the equivalent to the Melbourne Show. With animals and rides and stuff. Except, here, the city folk don't know much about animals and don't get to see them much, so they were all squealing and going ooohh aahhhhh at the cows and sheep and pigs. I've seen it all before. Meh. Haha. But darn, the piglets were cute. Also I went to the beach a few times, but you know about it already. How's the weather down in sunny Melbourne? What am I looking forward to over the next few weeks? I don't know. I'm going back up north again in a month's time, but after that, I'm pretty open. I might end up going to Six Flags (kinda like WB Movieworld) but it's pretty expensive as well. Man, I can't believe I've been here almost 5 months already... ANYWAY PEEPS, let me know what youse have been up to cos I miss you all. Homer Mood: blank Music: dishwalla - collide

	2006.07.08  02.54 never take for granted... a thought just occurred to me... have we become so busy in our lives, that we are too busy for the ones who care about us the most? Mood: distressed Music: plumb - taken

	2006.07.02  00.35 why i still see you in my dreams and it only hurts when i'm breathing my heart only breaks when it's beating my dreams only die when i'm dreaming so i'll hold my breath... ...to forget. Mood: melancholy Music: nobuo uematsu - tifa's theme

	2006.05.19  00.08 argh. dammit. stop writing about her already... ...i guess i wrote this because i just had a flashback of her face. i haven't had one in months.

	2006.05.19  00.05 what hurts the most, was being so close i just thought that if my previous blog entry was last thing i ever wrote, i would be happy. it basically summed up who i was in a nutshell. *sigh* i had at least 20 opportunities over a 2 year period. that's what kills me inside. i first met you 7 years ago and the last time i saw you was 5 years ago. i can't believe it was that long ago. where are you now? what are you doing with your life? i just want a chance to see you and say to you all the things i've ever wanted to say. sometimes, when i lie awake at night, on those extremely rare occasions when your face comes back to my memory, i still can feel that same feeling i felt 7 years ago, every time i saw you. it's amazing how i can still recall that feeling all these years later. but they were only for you. no-one else has been able to make me feel that way. i guess, in the 5 years since, i haven't met anyone else as beautiful as you. Mood: melancholy Music: rascal flatts - what hurts the most

	2006.05.04  23.15 the beautiful and the damned well, it was one of my adopted cousin's birthdays and we all took her out to food and a movie. well, i found myself at the fatburger in west covina. i noticed this waitress who worked there. she was pregnant. she was beautiful. and she was on her break - she sat on a stool, cutting a solitary figure. looking so sad. and alone. no ring on her finger... at that moment, i just wanted to cry for her. i wanted to cry for her unborn baby. that she had to work in this environment; having to inhale the fumes, the stress of working at a fast food joint whilst heavily pregnant. can't be good for her child. and it hit me so hard, the realisation that she had to work somewhere like there to support the both of them. i just looked at her. i looked in her eyes and saw the sadness. but i felt helpless. i can't do anything. not for anyone, not for a beautiful girl who sat slumped at the counter with the world seemingly on her shoulders. i don't know. maybe my sadness is misplaced. maybe she is happy with her life and she was probably tired or having a bad day. but i don't know. my previous life as a social outcast has kinda made me a bit more empathically sensitive - and this didn't seem to be mere tiredness. i'll never see her again. i pray that she will have a good life, for her sake and her child's. but i'll never forget her. Music: speaking of sarah - breathing

	2006.04.24  22.20 in the end, i lose. again. Hello you beautiful peoples, I do quite apologise for being so rather tardy with my correspondence. I have been extremely busy that, sadly enough, the only time I could actually write to y'all is when I'm actually at home, sick. Yay. Hopefully this time it's not bronchitis... I just got back from the Union City, Fremont and San Jose in the Bay Area (up north, the San Francisco area) to visit a couple of my uncles. I just want to say that my stay was way way too short. I had a great time there - there are beautiful natural features up around that area that LA does not have. It's amazing, the contrast between the "concrete jungle" that is LA and the natural beauty of the Bay Area. I'll actually be sending over photos to show what a gorgeous drive it was going North. Yet, I still feel like LA is home to me. Maybe because I only spent a couple of days up in Norcal and I've been here for a month, but there is something indefinable, intangible about LA. When asked why I liked LA as compared to the Bay Area, I replied "It's because...LA is just LA". I can't justify it any other way. So what other crazy adventures has the Homer been up to? Weeellll...one fine day, one of my American classmates took a group of us International Students for a drive around Hollywood. In the car was an Australian, an Austrian, a German and a Swede. All fantastic guys and it was enjoyable going around. We say Rodeo Drive, drove around Beverly Hills and took a tour down Sunset Boulevard. We passed by all these clubs, such as the (infamous) Viper Lounge, the Chinese theatre and the Walk of Stars or whatever it's called. Oh yeah, we had lunch at Hooters. DON'T GET MAD AT ME!! The guys wanted to go and I had heard so much about it, so I decided to join them. Trust me, it isn't as bad as it's made out to be. Sure, there are girls wearing skimpy clothing, but look past that - and making sure you treat them like PEOPLE, not objects - you find that it's a restaurant with great service and fantastic food. Although, I did feel sad that there are people who go to Hooters with more shady intentions and just go there to have a perv at the girls. And I felt sorry for the girls because of the way that some jerks treat them - who just leer at and harass them. So I tried my best to be extra nice and polite to them, hopefully it made their day that much better. And the guys in my group were really nice as well. At least the waitresses wouldn't have had to put up with morons for a little bit of time at least. Oh and try out the wings, they're great. How's school? It's stressful, but enjoyable. As mentioned before, I went Hollywood with a few good guys, but really, I'm surrounded by fantastic people. All of the people in my drum class (only 26 of us) are totally focused on drums. No egos, no wannabe rockstars, no drug addicts and no alcoholics. All we care about are drums drums drums and we spend all our time just doing drums. There are sooo many great drummers and I really look up to them, knowing that I have to lift up my game to merely be competitive, let alone surpass them. Personally, one of the things I have to work on is my performance anxiety. It's so challenging - normally when I really know how to play a song and am confident, I can play pretty well. But when faced with having to play a style that I have never played before and have to sight-read music - add to that having to play in front of 20-odd OTHER drummers - I get extremely nervous and I end up screwing up the song and making myself look bad. But you know what, the guys in my class are extremely supportive and encouraging. I suppose, I really need to knuckle down and get a'practicin even more than I have been. I did mention in my last email that I missed everyone back at home. But in the past couple of weeks, it's gotten even much worse. I'm pretty much suffering from heartache and homesickness, because I miss my home, I miss my friends, I miss being able to call up people and go out and do something. I haven't even watched a movie since I've been here! Well, talking to my cousin Ate Tricia has helped quite a bit because she knows what it was like when she moved from the Philippines to here. I actually told her, if it wasn't for her, Kuya Ruel and my uncle and aunt letting me stay at their house, I would not have lasted a week before wanting to go home. Ya, although I come from a medium-sized city such as Melbourne, I still felt like a country boy coming to LA. As I've mentioned before, everything here is so fast-paced, the people here can be more ruthless and ambitious and RUDE. They would step on or run over you without a second thought or any concern. It's a dog-eat-dog world here, which is still something so foreign to me. Actually a lot of things here are in direct conflict with the more friendly and laid-back attitude that Australians tend to have, and something that I think I have myself. Well, I think I'm pretty affable anyway. I'm shocked by how badly people can treat each other here. But...I guess you have to shrug it off. It's too easy to be cynical and become rude yourself because of the way people treat you. But I realise that I still have to be friendly, I still have to be nice, because that's my upbringing. And that is how AUSTRALIANS are. But nevertheless, I am still having the time of my life here. Please don't get me wrong. There are negatives, but they are all overwhelmingly overridden by the awesome things that LA has to offer. Ooooh yeah, I have finally gotten myself a car! After a month of stressful 2-hour bus rides, wrangling with used-car dealers and test-driving cars that were about to fall apart, I finally got myself a Scion xB (http://www.scion.com/showroom/xb/gallery/). We actually drove that up to the Bay Area and back to run it in. I chose it because it is a) made by Toyota, so you know it's reliable, b) it has a 1.5L engine so it's extremely economical and c) it has enough luggage space to hold all my musical gear. It's a funky car, and before you make fun of it, you should see it in the flesh. It's quite distinctive, gets a lot of attention, especially from girls *wink*. Or so I heard from someone... Because I'm not a U.S. citizen, my cousin's husband offered to put the car under his name. All I'll be doing is paying my cousins every month. I'll be sending photos of it as well. Actually, I'd like to thank Pastor Jay here at church, because before I got the xB, he actually lent me the use of his wife's car (a green Honda Civic) for two weeks while the both of them went to the Philippines for a conference. I drove that car to school and back, so I got valuable practice for my driving test. Although I did something stupid. I was in a hurry to get to school, I tried to squeeze past a car to turn left. I hit her side with my right-side mirror! D'oh. Well, luckily there was no damage to her car, just some markings that will come off with a sponge and soapy water. But I looked at my passenger side mirror and realised that it wasn't one of those mirrors that "bounce back" once they hit something, which most cars in Australia have. It was a FIXED mirror, so the whole thing had broken!!! D'oh! Cost me $150, but thankfully it only took 5 minutes to replace. Easy as. But still it was excruciatingly embarrassing... Oh yeah, I took my driving test last Thursday. I failed. Failed to get 100, that is. The lady docked off 3 points so I only ended up with 97! Needless to say, I was devastated. Just kidding, that's not bad considering this is crazy-driver LA! So now I have my Californian Licence, I am now officially under the iron-fisted rule of the Governator Schwarzenegger. Yay! Anyway, it's gooood to be mobile. Now I can really get to do the things I need to do while here in LA. I can even be able to privately teach now, which will help with living costs. On an unrelated note, I was driving around and I saw this guy selling roses by the side of the road. Today I saw a girl doing the same. I felt so sad for them, the roses were so beautiful. If I had a lot of money, I would've probably bought the whole lot off them. But I can't afford it and I felt bad. It's kinda like the Philippines that way. Wow. I realised that this is a loooooong email and a lot of writing. Oh, I apologise that I can't get back to each and every one of you who emails a reply back. I've got like 60 people on this list!!! Please feel free to reply back to my own emails though, I always read them, even though I can't always reply. Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. Gotta go, Homer P.S. I will be sending another email with a few pictures. Let me know if you can't open the photos or if you don't get them so I can re-send em to ya! me school is the black building between the pink and green buildings A Los Angeles bus! me scion Driving up to the Bay Area on the I-5 Beautiful Salt Marshes near Fremont. On the other side is Palo Alto. On the way back, on the 152 Back on the I-5 going home life goes on, i suppose. Mood: sick Music: plumb - taken

	2006.03.30  23.32 ya. emailums. --- Hi Y'all, Well, I've been here in Los Angeles for two weeks and I'm still alive. Whether that's a good or bad thing is entirely up to you, the loyal reader. Sooo...how's things in Australia? I heard that the Commonwealth Games are finished and that life is going back to normal. I also heard about Innisfail...but someone was telling me there was some sort of storm in North Sydney? Or were they talking about that? Hmmm...not much time to keep up with the news, I'm afraid. Anyway, how's things in the good U.S. of A.? Well, it's not bad. Not bad at all. I've finished one whole week of class and I'm actually extremely relieved to know that I'm actually quite competitive with most of these guys. To be sure, there are some guys who are AWESOME, but based on the Workshops that we've been doing, I don't think I'm very far away, which is an extremely comforting thought. The challenge is, however, to get myself to that level, or even surpass it. Oh yeah, I've also learnt the wonder of doing my own washing. Of course, I'm a good boy and only do the washing when it's full. I've also driven here in L.A. for the first time. Either I'm extremely brave, driving after only one week in the U.S., or I'm extremely stupid. Most likely a combination of both. Was glad to know I can actually still steer a car. Only problem was, everything was backwards, such as the rear-view mirror. And I was kinda drifting to the right-hand side of the road...d'oh! On my driving adventure, I also went to Ceritos because Kuya Ruel needed some chicken to make some adobo. We visited the Goldilocks there. Dude it was like mini Manila!!! It was sooo crowded and packed with Filipinos. SO MANY OF THEM!!! The last time I saw that many Filipinos in the one place was back in Manila!!! Oh and speaking of Filipino food - remember last email I spoke about going to Jollibee? Well...I unfortunately suffered food poisoning from the food there and missed one day of school! Dodgy Filipinos! Spent the night head over bathtub...I'll spare you the details. BUT I'M NEVER GOING BACK THERE AGAIN!!! On a more serious note, I've observed that everything here is convenient. Convenience things - ATMs in Drive-Thru, awesome restaurants literally around the corner from our house, bottled water everywhere. Some Americans just don't realise how lucky they are. Thankfully I'm staying with people who do. Although, to be honest, it does make me pine for the simpler way of life back in Australia. Anyway, I was thinking about the farewell at the airport. To all of you guys who were there, thank you all so much. And I know a lot of you couldn't make it and thanks anyway. I didn't get to mention it in my last email, but when all of you guys were there, in the final minutes before my boarding, I knew what it was like to be _truly loved_ by my friends and family. And that's something that I will be taking with me throughout my journey. Also, just to let you guys know, I know that one thing I had to change when I went to the U.S. was my predisposition to lose my temper rather easily. Well, I'm proud to say I've gone for over a week without losing my temper once. Yay for me! Anyway, that's it for another week. Stay tuned, Homer P.S. They have Mi Goreng here!!!! Joy!!! Mood: discontent Music: james blunt - you're beautiful

	2006.03.30  22.39 you're beautiful it seems so easy to be discouraged. i have thought about giving up altogether. i just feel like i mean nothing to you. but i hope i'm wrong. although i don't know much about you, i know enough to realise that people like you come along only once in a lifetime. i'm struggling, but i won't be taking the easy way out. i will not let myself be discouraged and i won't give up. because i believe you're worth it. let me change your mind. please. Mood: discontent Music: james blunt - you're beautiful

	2006.03.25  22.30 "at the end of life's journey, i wish it was mine whose hand you were holding" while cleaning out my room and putting some stuff in cardboard boxes, i was reading some of my writings from 1997 and 1998, from when i was in year 11 and 12. love poems, diary entries, life observations, attempts at writing song lyrics. i have actually kept most of the stuff i've written, as i'm such a sentimental slob and can't bear to throw them away. but as i was reading, i couldn't help but feel sad, because a lot of my writings were despondent and depressing, seemingly like there was no hope left. it was around the time where i was thinking about ending it all, although thankfully i never got to that stage where i seriously contemplated it. it brought up a lot of memories of spectacular failures in outright rejections. i know that i feel much different and have a much better outlook nowadays, but there were some things in my writings, where i still feel the same, 10 years on. in a way, i miss some of those feelings - the feelings of youthful exuberant "wunderlove", when it was all so exciting and seemingly life-critical - the first crush, meeting her for the first time, being totally blown away by her, having my breath taken away at first sight of her face. then came the feelings of hope, hoping and anticipating the next time i will see her, getting all so excited, just to have that one glimpse of her again. hoping that she will notice me in subsequent encounters. and thinking how the world is going to end if i didn't end up with her...and the times when i thought it did... some things are so difficult to put away, memories seem stubborn to fade. i guess, now being in another country, all i can do is to look to the future, because what has happened in my past is now lying in that cardboard box in my room. p.s. it's spring here in the u.s. now. but i just don't feel it. i guess i'm still used to the september springtime feeling... Mood: thoughtful Music: annie lennox - waiting in vain

	2006.03.20  22.46 so detached, but i know you're really not like that well, guess what peoples. i'm in america!! woopdeedoo basil. anyway, i've been up to so much lately and so little time to write all sorts of wacky adventures i've been having. so i think it would be much easier if i just paste my mass emails in my blogs. --- Why hello there everyone, You may be asking yourself, "WHY HASN'T HOMER EMAILED. HAS HE FORGOTTEN US ALREADY?" Or most likely not, you probably don't care ): Well don't fear peoples, I have just been a teensy weensy bit busy. Well, it happens if you only have FIVE days after you LAND in America to PREPARE for music school! After a 17-hour flight, I arrived in LA. Due to a quirk in time zone scheduling, I left Wednesday Midday and I arrived Wednesday 10.30am. So I've been going around and telling everyone that I came from the future. Anyway, first impressions? Things are MASSIVE. I went grocery shopping with Kuya Ruel the other day and the milk is MASSIVE, the potato chip packets are MASSIVE, the meat packs are MASSIVE and the PEOPLE are massive. Back at home, it costs around $2.80 for one Lipton Ice Tea, yeah? Well, here you can buy a DOZEN for EIGHT BUCKS! WHOA DUUUUDE. Speaking of the cousins, they are awesome. They have treated me really well, actually they are spoiling me somewhat. I feel kinda bad. But it's nice to feel so welcome and...so...comfortable. Which I really need, because I am starting anew in another country. But darn, I need a car. Any old bomb will do. It takes me TWO HOURS to get to school. Yeah, you heard right. TWO HOURS during peak period. And you guys think you have it bad. I have to wake up at 6am to get to school by 9. And I'm there till around 4-5 every day. Also, I am now a true American. I've blocked up my first toilet. Their toilets are quite scary actually - it's one of those ones that you think will overflow but at the last minute it all goes down. Scary. And then sometimes it DOESN'T go down. That's when you know you're in trouble. Oh yeah, I visited Kuya Ruel and Ate Tricia's youth on Friday. They kept asking me to say G'Day. and to say "THIS IS NOT A KNIFE" and all these Steve Irwin impressions. Hey, we don't talk like that over there!! Oh, I finally got a phone - for those who care, it's *blank*. Call me, I'm waiting! I realised that to really enjoy my stay here, I have to approach everything with a sense of wonder. If I become cynical, then there's no point to me being here, right? Sooo...what else have I been doing? Had orientation on Friday and started class today. Well, first day and it's already hard!!! For example, in one of my classes, they are breaking down my hand technique to the point where I feel like I'm a total beginner again! Well, I guess I have to work at it. Although today sucked because I didn't have a practice pad and couldn't do the exercises properly. Went to Sam Ash this evening - for all you drummers out there, you would start crying when I tell you that the drum stuff here is HALF PRICE compared to Australia. Surprisingly, being here in America still hasn't hit me yet. Probably because I'm still excited about being here. It still feels like I'm back in Australia, except I'm surrounded by American tourists. I have a feeling the homesickness will hit me within the next couple of weeks. But I'm starting to make good friends here. It's helping with the homesickness. As I said before, I'm being made so welcome here with Ate Tricia and Kuya Ruel, they have been so fantastic to me, driving me around, picking me up, I almost feel bad because I feel like I'm imposing on it. But I can see that they are doing this out of love - it would be rude of me to refuse it. One thing, it's COLLLDDDD here. Almost like Melbourne weather - lucky I brought my jackets. And finally, just to make you all jealous, I had JOLLIBEE! Yes, I had Jollibee in LA. Woohoo. I had the Yumburger and Chicken Joy. Reminds me of the mother country...mmm...well, that's satisfied my Jollibee craving for the next two years. ANYWAY. Write to me! Reply! Let me know if you're still alive because I am! Barely. Hooroo, Homer P.S. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my church. Hope youse are all doing okay. Mood: sleepy Music: evan and jaron - the distance

	2006.03.12  01.14 i miss you Monique "Nikka" Villa 30/1/1973 - 23/2/2001 Firstly, I want to say sorry for my laziness at writing this tribute to you. I should have written this on the day of the anniversary of your passing. Ate Nikka, I cannot believe it has been 5 years since you have left us. In a way, it seems like such a long time, but yet it seemed just like yesterday. Ate, I remember when you and Miles visited us in 1997. I had finished pre-season training with the hockey team, disappointed that I had missed the cut trying to make the First XI squad. We ate at a Chinese restaurant in Mount Waverley, went visiting other relatives, and dropping Miles off, all the way out in the country, down near Five Ways. You had made such a good impression on us and there was this warmth and love towards us that we felt. I remember hearing the news of you getting a major role in the production "The King and I" as Tuptim and seeing a video of you doing a promotional tour of the musical singing at a shopping mall, that Ate Elma took when she visited you. I remember the time when your computer got infected by a virus and we stayed up all night on ICQ helping you try to get rid of it and your gratitude when we got it fixed was overwhelming. Ate, the chain letters that you sent me always touched me. I never expressed how I felt about them, but I still have them, from almost 10 years ago. I read through them sometimes and I well up inside, because I'm thinking of you. That is why I use nikville as my email address - it was once your own email address and I want to remember and honour you by adopting your email address and continuing it for you. And Ate, I remember the joy at hearing that you had been cleared of the cancer in your tongue, and also the devastation I felt when two weeks later I found out it had spread to the rest of your body, with only a few days left for you to live. I remember being in shock when my mum told me of your passing. It's like the world stood still at the moment because I could not believe it. Not again, I thought. Not even three months after Papa we had lost another of our dearly loved ones. You were the most beautiful one out of all the pinsan. It was such a tragedy. The one who could have achieved stardom in the Philippines. Yet, you were not mayabang. You were so kind-hearted and considerate. And humble. The world needed more people like you, yet why did God have to take one of His angels away? We will never know, but everything happens for a reason. As your mum wrote in her card to us, I know you are now singing your heart out for our Creator. Ate, the tyranny of distance meant that we did not know each other too well, we only got closer after you visited us almost 10 years ago. But if I had known that this would happen, I would have spent more time with you when I had gone to the Philippines and when you visited us here in Melbourne. I took it for granted that I would see you once again. But I did not want to grieve forever. I turned my grief into inspiration. You will never know how much you have touched us, me especially. I know, if you were still alive today, you would have been so proud of me at getting into music school in the US. When I applied for music school, when I practiced so hard to make my audition CD, you were always at the forefront of my thoughts. I used your memory to spur me to try my best. And your inspiration has taken me there. Even when I thought I would give it all up last year, I consoled myself with the thoughts that even you suffered setbacks when trying to establish your own career. But I know you will be watching over me and smiling at me from heaven as I prepare to make this trek halfway around the world to pursue my dreams. Because that's what you did Ate. You gave it all up and you were on your way to becoming a star. I want to continue your legacy - to take a career in the music and entertainment industry further than our family has ever done. You are my greatest inspiration. Ate, you have also taught me the value in treating other people with love. I know, that in finding the girl who I want to share my dreams with, I wish for her to be kind-hearted, loving and selfless like you have been. And although I am still far away from achieving it, I want to treat her like how you treated everyone, including me. My thoughts and prayers are with you always. I miss you Ate. Homer Mood: sad Music: miss saigon - sun and moon

	2006.03.01  17.05 moo i've never seen a pig fly, but i've had someone throw a pack of bacon at my head. does that count? Mood: confused Music: matt costa - astair

	2006.02.14  00.06 v.day i know a lot of bad stuff has been said about this day already. you probably don't want to read more of the same, so i'll spare you the moaning. i want to be different. anyway, want to greet all of you out there a happy valentine's day. "...you don't know how lovely you are." Mood: sleepy Music: sting - when we dance

	2006.02.11  20.48 "the signs we're leaving behind for each other...but i can never be sure it's for me." busted. OKAY. let me start off with the bad news so i can get it out of the way. short and sweet. relatively. australia day has come and gone. woopdeedoo basil. had dinner with the family, which was a good thing. cleared the air up with them about things, such as finances, insecurities, worries, etc. they told me not to worry and i'm trying to take their advice. buuuut. in our conversations, i found out a lot of unpleasant news. first, my uncle is falling into a depression and is ranting about things that don't make sense, another uncle is getting a divorce and then i find out my nephew has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. and then i find out a couple of days later my friend got bashed. http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,17956173%255E2862,00.html it's funny - the media played it out to be this ultra-dramatic thing when it wasn't. it was life-threatening yeah, but an extremely small chance. i visited him in hospital, he was fully conscious and talking. he's actually out of hospital now, thank goodness, but he will be taking some time off before he starts year 12. ah, such is the daily life of i. lovely, yes? well, now that's sorted, let's get onto better stuff. anyway, i just saw the mars volta last night and they were amazing. i just watched the best drummer i have ever seen in my life. well actually, no, second best. best is phil collins back in 95. it was mesmerising and almost hypnotic during the quieter periods in between the frantic machinations of the lead guitarist. i said there just captivated by the power and speed and syncopations of the drummer. amazing and inspiring. can i play like that one day? anyway, 4 more weeks peoples! unbelievable. i can't believe it's february 2006 already. i've gotten my visa. who would've thought it would take 4 hours for me to get my visa? well...i rocked up to the u.s. consulate around 7.45 in the morning because my "interview" appointment was for 8.30. made sure i got there early because i'd be pretty stuffed if i missed the interview - no getting my visa! anyway, i wanted on the ground floor for about 30 minutes or so before the consulate opened up. after that, waited in line for a while - far out there were so many people there and i thought i was the only one who had the interview at 8.30. anyway, security is TIGHT. like, really really tight. had to pass my stuff through an x-ray machine. i had to leave my keys and even my folio downstairs with the guards. i could only bring up my wallet and my papers, of which were plenty and nothing to hold them. and then once we got up to the 6th floor, we had to sign in AGAIN with ANOTHER guard who gave us a ticket number. it was at that moment, i regretted letting other people go before me. so i ended up waiting for about 45 minutes or so before i got to the first window to submit my papers - my passport, my i-20, financial statements, visa forms, etc. and yes, you heard right. WINDOW. bank tellers ain't got nothing on the consulate. there's about 5cm worth of bulletproof glass - they had to speak to you through a microphone. hmm. paranoid, maybe? got asked a couple of questions and had to take a seat again while they processed my papers before going onto the "interview" "proper". i said interview in quotes because i waited another 30 minutes for a bob saget lookalike to ask me TWO LOUSY QUESTIONS behind another thick plate of glass. yeah. and one of them was "so, what instrument do you play". gee. i thought this was supposed to be an interview. and a bit more personal than a disembowelled darth vader-like voice blaring through a speaker. anyway, he told me there would be no problem getting my visa which was fantastic news. then the bad news. i had to go get a money order for $130 to pay the consulate. well, i was a bit annoyed because i've already spent close to $300 already to get this visa - one payment to SEVIS in the u.s. and another payment to the passport/visa blokes here in oz. and now i have to pay even more to the consulate?!? gee. i had been prepared to pay there and then, but for the sake of fraud, etc. i had to get a money order. they wouldn't accept a cheque or credit. anyway, walked to the alfred hospital just around the corner because there's an australia post there. and then i find out that i could not get a money order with a credit card. i had no cash, so i was in a mild panic. luckily my mum works in the city so i borrowed some cash off her. that whole episode took i think around 45 minutes, including walking to and from the post office, driving to the city and going back to the post office and back to the consulate to give them my money order. SOOO, by the time i get out of there it was around 11.30. and very very late for work. i actually thought i'd be finished by 9 so i can get to work on time. so yeah, i got into trouble for being very very late. but it was unavoidable - i need that darn visa!!! so, a couple of days later guess what i get in the mail. my passport back with an affixed visa to the u.s.!!!!! YAY. man, those things are INTRICATE and almost impossible to forge. but surprisingly, the photo printout actually makes me look thinner than my real fat-ass self. cool. where can i get one of these things? and now i've booked the flight! expect me to land on your shores the week beginning 12 march. i am so excited i can't hardly wait. yay. anyway, on another note, i wonder why and how people become kind-hearted. is it through their upbringing? or were they predisposed to be like that? is it a combination of both? i was just thinking about it because one of my friend's babies is so docile and so happy. not temperamental and almost never cries. just plain good-natured. hmm. questions that will never be answered. golly, you're so beautiful. Mood: meh. Music: evan and jaron - the distance

	2006.01.28  16.42 fly away no. i was wrong. i must keep caring... ...must keep smiling. even though it hurts too much. all i can do is to keep showing her kindness... Music: roxette - almost unreal

	2006.01.26  22.45 i was never yours. give me your guitar and i will play you a song. in case you were ever wondering, yes i would drive that 600 kilometres for you. but it doesn't matter anymore. i guess you've found him now. the one for you... i cared too much and i let it show. it was a huge mistake. Mood: heartbroken Music: speaking of sarah - breathing